CRUSHES - Philosophy of Preschoolers - Volume 2

I just wrote down this recent conversation between Clem and Anna for Volume 2 of Philosophy of Preschoolers. It just gives you a little glimpse at the nuggets of wisom contained inside! ***

Clem: "I still have a crush on Riley you know Anna."

Anna: "Why are you telling me that Clem?"

Clem: "It's important. I realized that maybe after the summer you didn't realize that I still had a crush on Riley after all this time, but I do. Cousins need to tell each other important stuff."

Anna: "You're right. I'm having a princess party for my fifth birthday. I'm going to have a princess cake and princess crowns and-"

Clem: "Why are you telling me this Anna?"

Anna: "Because it's important."

Clem: "But not important like a crush."

Anna: (mutinously) "It is. Princess parties are so important...anyway, what does it mean to have a crush?"

Clem: "It means I still love Riley."

Anna: "Why is it called a crush then? Why don't you just say that you love him?"

Clem: "Well...it's called a crush because when you really love someone you want to...you know...crush them on the ground or against a fence."

Anna: "That would hurt them."

Clem: "You have to crush them otherwise they might escape. They need to be trapped."

Anna: "Oh. That makes sense."

Clem: "You don't want the boy you love to escape, you see, but they always try to escape and run away. That's what's so hard about crushes."

Anna: "I'm glad I don't have a crush."

Clem: "It's not easy."

Philosophy of Preschoolers Published!

Philosophy of Preschoolers has arrived! If YOU need a break (and...come on...it's September, who doesn't?) from being grown-up treat yourself to the "Philosophy of Preschoolers" ebook - 50 of the most hilarious conversations with and between Clem, Anna, and co.. Insight, humour, boogers, contemplation of important questions such as whether Celine Dion farts or not...it's all here for the modest sum of $2.99 US (or $3.25 on Amazon.ca). Just click here to buy. 

I just published it yesterday afternoon and already this happened...

As well as this...

So thank you SO MUCH. If you can write a review you will earn the eternal gratitude of me, Clem, and Anna! Reviews really count on Amazon and makes them show our chef d'oeuvre to a huge amount of prospective readers.

Scheduling Issues

Clem has been harrassing me to buy her a pair of roller skates since her friend Madeleine R. got some for her Birthday. Her favorite place to heckle me is when we are both trapped in the minivan. Clem: "So Mom, can we go shopping for rollerskates?"

Me (frazzled, trying not to get in a car accident): "No."

Clem: "So when then Mom. After?"

Me: "Sure. After."

Clem: "After what?"

Me: "Just...after."

Clem: "This afternoon?"

Me: "No. Not this afternoon."

Clem: "But Moooooooooooooooom. I neeeeeeeeed rollerskates. We need to go buy them noooooooooow."

Me (fingering person who just cut me off): "We are NOT going to get roller skates Clem and you need to stop bugging me about it."

Clem: "But I need to know when. It's important."

Me: "Why do you need to know when? What have you got going on?"

Clem (exasperated): "Mom! I have to organize my schedule too, you know."

Me: "You do?"

Clem: "Of course I do! I also need enough time to consult with my stuffies."

Fancy Feet

We are at the beach with a friend who has a daughter Clem's age. She is doing a strange jig. Friend's father to his daughter: "You are doing your fancy feet thing again. Do you need me to take you to the bathroom?"

Daughter looks down at her feet which seem to be moving of their own accord: "Yes."

They leave, and Clem gets thoughtful for a minute or two.

Clem: "Do you know what I am thinking?"

Me: "What are you thinking Clem?"

Clem: "Feet are the first thing to get fancy when you need to go to the bathroom, but when  you really need to go your bum gets a bit fancy too."

Fairy Wings

Clem, about to go outside to the trampoline, notices it's raining and shuts the door instead.

Clem: "I can't go outside now. It's raining."

Me: "It's just spitting. I don't think you'll get too wet."

Clem: "I can't go outside in the rain. It wrecks my fairy wings."

Me (noticing she is wearing no fairy wings that I can see): "Oh."

Clem: "Rain is very bad for my fairy wings."

Me: "Are your fairy wings invisible?"

Clem: "Most of the time, except when I'm with my other fairy friends."

Me: "Who are your other fairy friends?"

Clem: "That's a secret only us fairies know."

The Happy Bully

Clem at dinner last night with our family and my parents...

Clem: "We have a big bully at our school. His name is Caleb. Everybody is scared of him, even the big kids. He's the biggest bully in the world."

My Mom: "What does he do?"

Clem: "He hits people and stuff. He's SO mean."

My Mom: "You know Clem, we should feel sorry for him."

Clem: "Feel sorry for him? Why?"

My Mom: "He's probably very unhappy inside. He's probably a bully because he's unhappy."

Clem thinks about this for a moment, then shakes her head.

Clem: "Nope. He's happy, all right. Mean, but happy."

Is That A Tear?

Clem and I were biking home from school yesterday under a clear blue sky. Clem is rightfully proud of her newly acquired biking prowess. Clem: "I think I just felt a drop of rain on my eye."

Me: (looking up at cloudless sky) "I don't think it could be rain. Maybe it was sweat. You're pedaling super fast."

Clem: "No. It's not sweat."

Me: "Hmmmmm."

Clem: "It must have been a tear of joy."

The Revelation

Clem: "I need to get a new bike. Mine is such a girly-girl colour." (makes a sound of disgust deep in her throat) "It's PINK." Me: "What is so bad about girly-girls?"

Clem: "They wear dresses and sparkly things and they're sensitive. I'm a tomboy now."

Me: "You used to wear dresses."

Clem: "I know." (shudders)

Me: "What made you decide you didn't want to be a girly-girl?"

Clem: "It was on the first day of kindergarten. I saw all the other girly-girls and then I saw the boys playing on the monkey bars and I said to myself, 'Clem, what are you doing with your life?'" (slaps her forehead) "I mean, come on."